How NOT to lose the YOU in your Marriage

⁣A few weeks ago, I opened an email with an invitation to a bachelorette party.⠀

I quickly browsed the email for all the details and I glanced at my husband with a smile and said “I just got invited to a bachelorette party in Mexico. Can I go? It’s in April.”⠀

He stared at me and said nothing.â €

I responded with “I need this”.

He nodded and said “Sure, if you’re gonna pump and have enough stored milk for Levi by then”. Levi was just 2 weeks old at this time.⠀

And that was the end of our conversation.â €

I responded to my friend with a text saying “I’m going to Mexico, bitch!” within 5 minutes of reading that email.⠀

This is my marriage. This is how we operate. This is why I love my husband. He gets it. He gets me.â €

My husband and I are very different from most couples in the sense that we are NOT attached to the hip. We have separate individual identities outside of our marriage.â €

For him, he has his Brazilian jiu jitsu (BJJ) gym. My husband is committed to BJJ. He frequently signs up for national competitions and attends all the gym’s events and out of town trips while leaving me alone with the two little monkeys. Although I know it is a lot more work for me when he’s gone, I encourage it.⠀

I encourage him to make time to work on his fitness while building strong friendships along the way. I encourage him to have an escape from his wife and kids. His BBJ community is a place for him to call his own. These gym friends are HIS friends; not OUR friends. There, he is DMITRY; not Sam AND Dmitry.â €

And this ideology is reciprocated for me. D takes on everything when I simply need time to do nothing.â €

Sometimes doing nothing is sitting on a beach in Mexico having a cold beverage in hand watching the waves go by with some girlfriends.â €

And sometimes doing nothing is the most productive thing I can do for myself and my family. â €

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